Tuesday, November 22

TOWER HEIST

Eddie Murphy is funny in this movie but no one else is; he gets laughs in almost all of his scenes and these are essentially the only laughs in the film.  He hovers around the periphery of the first half hour of the movie, threatening to beat Ben Stiller's ass for no reason, shouting to a woman (whilst he's being arrested) to get her teeth fixed up, and threatening to beat Ben Stiller's ass for no reason.  Bless his heart.  It's quite enjoyable, especially if you miss the old-school smooth-talking hustler persona of Eddie Murphy from such classics as 48 Hrs or Trading Places or Beverly Hills Cop or The Distinguished Gentleman or...  Man, Eddie was so funny.  He still is!  This proves it.  He just needs some better movies.

Tuesday, November 15

TAKE SHELTER

Michael Shannon stars as Curtis, a lovable muttering bastard whose got it all: a deaf daughter, a seamstress wife, a loyal dog, a good job, close friends, and a nice house.  But there's a problem.  There had better be, or there's not really a movie.  Shannon has recurring nightmares of an impending toxic tornado apocalypse and wants to makes preparations for his family's safety.  But he also remembers that his mother lost her marbles at about his age, and had to be committed to a mental asylum.  So Shannon tries to hedge his bets, semi-secretly enlarging and upgrading his backyard tornado shelter under the guise of ordinary tornado preparedness whilst trying to appear as non-crazy as possible to the increasingly critical eyes of his family, friends and co-workers.

Friday, November 11

LIZARD BOY

The military hires “renowned geneticist” Gino Conti to develop top-secret animal-hybrids but when his fiancee leaves him for being infertile he instead decides to cook up a half-lizard child to raise secretly in his remote mountain trailer.  Lizard Boy grows up fast and develops a taste for human flesh (bummer) but Gino and his best pal Frankie are able to keep the beast calm with healthy doses of anti-depressants and bong hits.  Can they prevent the inevitable Lizard Boy rampage?

Find out at CHUD.com

Tuesday, November 8

AMERICAN PICKERS

Two dudes drive around the Midwest in a van, but instead of solving mysteries, they root through piles of junk looking for antique pretty-much-anything.

It grows on you.  Read more at CHUD.

Monday, November 7

IN TIME

Imagine a world where you stop aging at 25.  That sounds great, but you also get a big green countdown clock in your arm and you have to use time as money; Poor people live day to day, and a single mistake could cost them their lives, whilst rich people luxuriate in gated communities and lavish casinos.  That sounds less great.  But alas, an evocative metaphor does not an entertaining feature make.

Tuesday, November 1

MAYOR CUPCAKE

First she made cupcakes, now she’s mayor.  Oh snap!  If you want to see how far Lea Thompson has fallen since the Back To The Future series, look no further.

Check it out at CHUD.com