SEVEN PYSCHOPATHS / ARGO / LOOPER / TED / BRAVE

Seven Psychopaths must have been described in some meeting as Pulp Fiction meets Adaptation and although thats as reductive as any X meets Y pitch, damned if it isn’t sorta accurate.  This is my version of a popcorn movie.  It’s entertaining as all hell, but when it’s over it doesn't feel very substantial.  Writer Director Martin McDonagh last made In Bruges (also with Colin Farrell) and the black as coal Irish wit returns; Farrell, Sam Rockwell, and Christopher Walken gabbing is a wonderful thing to see.

THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS

This film is simultaneously very original and very unoriginal.  The plot doesn’t really have any surprises, but man is it fun to watch.  The RZA has worked in the film world for years, providing music or acting in brief roles.  But he finally steps up to the plate with one hell of a debut feature.  The RZA wears many hats here: writing, directing, scoring and starring in a martial arts pastiche full of wacky effects, aptly named characters, and copious blood-letting.

FLIGHT

Robert Zemeckis has finally crawled out of the mo-cap ghetto and made a film with a real living breathing cast again, headlined by Denzel Washington as a drunk pilot who saves the day.  This is a film of many contradictions.  It’s kinda preachy about quitting drinking and joining AA but it also shows that you can fly a plane, land an exploding plane, and survive a grilling at a federal hearing all while drunk.  And high on cocaine that you bought from the world’s fattest cocaine dealer played by John Goodman.

CLOUD ATLAS

This film is like an apple pie left in the rain: mushy.  The Wachowskis, of The Matrix fame, and Tom Tykwer, of Run Lola Run fame, bring you an absurdly ambitious film with an absurdly un-ambitious message that being nice is good and being mean is bad.  There are six stories in the film, linked heavily by theme and lightly by plot, which are intercut over three hours:

LINCOLN

Lets get this out of the way.  This movie is funny.  Intentionally funny.  Character-based humor, not falling-in-shit gags.  I laughed out loud at least ten times during this film and I’ve laughed less at comedies that I gave good reviews.  Abraham Lincoln liked to tell stories, whether they be parables or anecdotes, and they are funny.  Even the reactions to his stories, sometimes before he even starts telling them, are funny.  There is a warmth to this movie, a story about bloodshed and misery and depression and demons and the nation torn asunder, that is unexpected and wonderful.  Abe Lincoln loved his country and his fellow man, and this is a loving tribute to the man.

SKYFALL

The best Bond movie in the last ten years was probably X-Men: First Class or maybe Michel Hazanavicius's deft parodies OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies and OSS 117: Lost in Rio.  The last three Bond films have been surgical procedures, designed to remove any last trace of fun, color, or personality from a franchise built on them.  In this film, right from the beginning I knew I was in trouble.  Bond opens a door and finds a room full of bloody murdered agents.  Ah, the childish fun of a Bond movie!

THE MASTER

In 1950, a drunk named Freddie Quell meets a writer named Lancaster Dodd who is starting some kind of religion.  The plot of writer-director Paul Thomas Anderson's latest masterpiece sounds simple enough, but the structure of this story is very unusual, because this is Freddy's story and not Dodd's.  Dodd's story would be more logical and orderly, probably with an emphasis on names, dates, facts, and figures.  No, this is Freddy's story.  So the timeline is hazy.  You only hear most characters names once or maybe twice.  We hear Freddy's name over and over again but the other characters are known mostly by their place in the hierarchy.  There is no conventional three act structure to this story.  Lots of scenes moving this way and that, from one place to another just like Freddy.  From one scene to the next he might be across the country or across the world.

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

This review (filled to the brim with spoilers) is more about analysis than convincing anyone to see the movie, since I'm assuming that everyone and their mother already saw it.  For that reason, instead of rushing this review I thought I would take my time, see the film a few more times, and maybe have a little bit more to say.  The Dark Knight Rises does not rise above The Dark Knight.  Well, yeah?  Its not as good as the last one.  That's a hard act to follow.  The Dark Knight is one of the best films ever.  Sometimes I try to estimate how many times I have seen that movie... just in theatres.  The Dark Knight gave us the most iconic villain since Hannibal Lector since Darth Vader since Frankenstein's Monster.  This movie exists comfortable and confidently in the shadow of its predecessor.  Its a good movie, and a good conclusion to the trilogy.  I liked The Avengers, but this movie I went back to see again.

PROMETHEUS

In Space, God Will Punch You

Aliens is one of those movies that people talk about, alongside The Godfather Part II, The Empire Strikes Back and The Dark Knight, as a rare example of a sequel that surpasses the original film.  Well if the Alien franchise got so lucky the first time, it made up for that with everything since.  Alien 3 was famously over-budget and underwhelming, Alien: Resurrection proves you shouldn't let French people or Winona Ryder anywhere near venerable horror-sci-fi franchises, and the less said about the Aliens VS Predator films the better.  The series already went off the deep end with clones and mash-ups, and although other series like Friday the 13th and Leprechaun have the option of sending the monster into space for later entries, they don't have that luxury here.  Going back in time is not usually the strongest move for a long dormant franchise so how about a prequel!  Even a shitty movie couldn't do much damage to the franchise at this point, and it's important to note that, because this is a shitty movie.

LA GRANDE ILLUSION (1937)

Can you say too much about La Grande Illusion?  When the Nazis invaded France in 1940, it was propaganda minister Josef Goebbels #1 mission to see every copy of this film burnt to ash.  You really have to hand it to the Nazis.  They were fucking evil.  This movie only contains two major German characters, and they are both heavily sympathetic.  Why did the Nazis want it destroyed so badly?  To put it in the kind of simple terms a Nazi could appreciate, this film is humanity, and the Nazis, and all those that would destroy art or knowledge, are inhumanity.

MEN IN BLACK 3

Barry Sonnenfeld started his career as a director with the early 90's nostalgia fest adaptation of The Addams Family, which was much better than anyone expected, turning what could have been a enjoyably nutty one-off into a mini-franchise.  Any other quirky, kooky, one-offs he directed that accidentally turned into franchises?  Well...  it depends whether or not you count Get Shorty.   But more obviously, I'm talking about Men In Black, the 1997 film adaptation of an obscure (and mostly different) comic that spawned four years of an animated series, a sequel that almost killed the franchise, three video games, two rap singles, and a theme park ride.  And now another sequel with 3-D and time travel!  Nod ya head!

SPECIAL WHEN LIT: A PINBALL DOCUMENTARY (2009)

This is a documentary about an innovation whose birth and death occurred within the same century, so that the same people who enjoyed it as a rising fad can defend its relevancy later in life.  Yes, that means most people they talk to are super old (like old enough to remember putting dimes not quarters into the machines) and yes, unfortunately most of them can't come up with any more complex than "I like pinball, it used to be popular, now it is not, I don't like that."  But there it still a lot of interesting stuff about pinball to learn, and they also interview a charming (and ancient) Frenchman who says "I like girls and pinball... but girls is finis... so pinball."

THE INNKEEPERS (2011)

This film is writer-director Ti West's followup to The House of the Devil and faithfully follows the same formula of steadily mounting tension and slow-cooked creepiness but this time on a slightly larger scale.  Not just a house but a whole hotel.  Not just one night but a whole weekend.  Not one protagonist but two, a man and a woman.  Instead of a handful of supporting characters, there are uh two handfuls.  This film might also seem deliberately retrograde but it is not set in the past or made to look like it was produced in the past like THOTD.  And of course the biggest difference is g-g-g-g-ghosts!

THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL (2009)

This film belongs to a peculiar and diverse sub-genre of films that adopt the cinematic limitations/conventions of the period in which they are set which includes the likes of The Aviator and recent Oscar darling The Artist.  This film is set during the eighties, so you can expect grainy 16mm film stock, simple zooms in place of complex dolly shots, and of course no modern impurities to the form like shaky camera editing or bogus CGI.  Writer-Director Ti West also goes one bonus step further, and has its subject matter deeply rooted in the past, fashioning a tale of devil worship that would have felt right at home during the height of the satanic panic of the 1980’s.  Devil’s gonna getcha!

JUICE (1992)

This movie might be best known for Dave Chapelle's impression of Samuel L. Jackson screaming about it but it deserves another look on its own merits.  I think Netflix occasionally recommends things based on current events and with all the hub bub over the holographic Tupac performance at Coachella recently I'm sure the great Netflix Recommendation Computer assumed that lots of people would be interested in this 1992 juvenile crime story starring a certain Tupac Shakur.  It might not be as famous as a west coast counterpart like Boyz N The Hood but since it's on Instant and it has flesh and blood Tupac, it deserves a watch.

THE AVENGERS

This film combines all current Marvel Studios film franchises into one super film written and directed by Joss Whedon, creator of cult successes like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly and Dollhouse, and now shepherd of an enormous popular success.  This is a culmination of years of effort, which is true of almost all films, but in this case, it is the culmination of five distinct films that all took years to make: 2008's Iron Man, 2009's The Incredible Hulk, 2010's Iron Man 2, and 2011's Thor and Captain America.  It was amazing enough that all those films turned out successful, but its incredibly amazing that the risky gambit of mashing them together pays off with a solidly entertaining film that might not draw casual fans for repeat views but will definitely leave the majority of the multiplex satisfied.

LOCKOUT

This movie is a missed opportunity, a blown chance to craft a throwback 80's style action flick.  Guy Pearce is overdue for a starring role like this, and he fully commits himself to the schlocky premise and hammy one liners, but ultimately the movie somehow feels like less than the sum of its parts.  We have a cynical, sarcastic, reluctant hero (hell, he's not reluctant he's downright unwilling and openly hostile) framed for espionage and then recruited for a hopeless one-man-against-an-army mission to rescue the president's daughter (Maggie Grace) from a prisoner takeover at space jail.  This movie really should have been better.

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS

This film is a clever and inventive horror-comedy that inverts or examines many of the stereotypes of the genre while telling its own suitably demented tale of carnage and mystery.  It's hard to discuss much of the film without giving away its secrets and deflating some of the fun of surprise.  Would it be spoiling too much to say that it actually stars Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins and that its really funny?  That sounds confusing.  This is a horror film that humorously examines why exactly we want to watch horror films.  That sounds better.

HUNGER GAMES

So much of this movie confused me, and not in the usual fashion that I enjoy.  Since this is the first installment of a massively popular book series, I assume that a kind of checklist system was used in adapting the script, making sure that as many familiar faces and concepts from the book as possible were included, hoping that even a fleeting glance will be enough to satisfy super-fans in the audience who can wipe sweat from their brows and breath a sigh of relief when their favorite X Y or Z makes a perfunctory appearance.  It was a slog.

PROJECT X

This is a found footage movie loosely based on a viral video of an unrepentant Australian teenager who threw a party so large that it destroyed most of his neighborhood.  The video is directly parodied at the end of the film, but the story is otherwise an original creation.  Three high school friends (a loudmouth, a weirdo, and a bland lead) throw a birthday party whilst the parents are out of town.  There is a pointless through plot about the lead either making a move on his long time female friend or on some random popular slutty chick, but otherwise the movie is almost plotless.  The film just alternates between slow motion party footage montages set to house music and random quick gags.  Most of the jokes are pretty lame, but at least there's no contrived pathos or pseudo-heartwarming 'gee I learned a lesson" ending.  Just pure stupid crap.

THE RAID: REDEMPTION

This film gets a new, silly subtitle in America and a silly, nu-metal soundtrack, but rest assured, you will still leave the theater clutching your sides and coughing up blood.  This movie will kick your ass.  In the slums of Jakarta, a SWAT team raids an decaying apartment tower where a crime lord has set up shop.   They have to ascend 15 floors of desperate and deranged slum dwellers who have been promised free rent for life if they kill any of the intruders.  Punch, kick, throw, slash, stab, shoot, crash, boom, bang, KAPOW!  It's an inside-out Indonesian Assault on Precinct 13 (the original damnit!)

SAFE HOUSE

Bland but capable Ryan Reynolds is a CIA agent based in Cape Town South Africa who badly wants a promotion to another more glamorous assignment in another more glamorous city like Paris.  It's his lucky day!  Denzel Washington plays an infamous traitor (with the unlikely name of Tobin Frost) who turns himself in and gets water boarded by the T-1000 before mercenaries show up and start executing everybody.  Denzel Washington could play this part in his sleep and probably did.  On paper, the similarities to Training Day (boring vanilla lead pulled in over his head by morally gray Denzel) must have seemed like a surefire bet.  But in practice there are no quotable lines, no memorable events, and no chance at the Oscars.

JOHN CARTER

What if you crossed Dune with Indiana Jones and nobody came?  John Carter is an adaptation of one of the grandaddies of the sci-fi genre celebrating it's centenary this year.  A confederate veteran searching for gold stumbles across a cave with some crazy shit in it and next thing you know he's on Mars, which the locals call Barsoom.  Locals?  Giant, four-armed nomadic warriors called Tharks, as well as two warring futuristic cities of humanoid martians.  Carter gains super strength and agility and naturally finds himself caught up in epic planetary warfare.  Get your ass to Barsoom!  Seriously, it's a pretty good movie.

WANDERLUST

Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston play stressed out Manhattanites who ditch the Big Apple for suburban Atlanta which they promptly ditch for a hippie commune.  Are there hijinks?  The first thing they see when they arrive is a man carrying wineglasses, totally nude, wandering the woods at night.  So rest assured, there are plenty of hijinks.

ACT OF VALOR

This is an action movie about Navy Seals that stars real active duty Navy Seals instead of actors.  Navy Seals are as good at being in the Navy as they are bad at acting.  I think the writers of the film might have been plucked at random from another profession too.  The plot concerns Islamic terrorists teaming up with Latin American drug dealers to smuggle suicide bombers over the US-Mexican border.  If that story sounds like it was ripped form a Chuck Norris TV movie and would be at odds with the supposed realism of this film, yes.

THE GREY

Director Joe Carnahan re-teams with his The A-Team star Liam Neeson in this tale of men battling the elements; specifically battled are plane crashes, soul crushing misery, jerks, snow, heights, and wolves.  Neeson is a capable badass, delivering lines like "In about five seconds I'm gonna start beating the shit out of you" with steely resolve and appropriate menace, but the film ultimately fails him.  The direction is distracted/distracting, the threats are inconsistent and occasionally outright goofy, and before long I was hoping they would start eating each other because the damn wolves weren't doing it fast enough.

THE PUPPET MONSTER MASSACRE

Remember Team America: World Police?  Of course you do.  Well that was a puppet action movie that cost 30 million dollars and had a hard R-rating all but guaranteeing that even if it made a profit it would labeled a ‘fascinating failure’ or ‘cult classic’.  Well here is another R-rated puppet movie, but this time the genre is horror instead of action and the budget is about 31 million dollars less.  The box touts the film as a “wild and raucous love letter to the monster films of the glorious 1980s” but I find that claim highly dubious.

Find out how dubious at CHUD.com

RED TAILS

We are not in this movie much.

This movie might become a staple of middle and high school history classes on rainy afternoons.  Who knows if the kids will enjoy it?  This is producer George Lucas's pet project over 20 years in the making, about the Tuskegee Airmen, the first black pilots in WWII who combated enemy troops and institutional racism.  It's nowhere near as good as the original Star Wars trilogy but it's nowhere near as bad as the new Star Wars trilogy, fitting somewhat comfortably in between those two extremes.  It's got a likeable ensemble cast, intentionally funny moments, unintentionally funny moments, exciting dogfights and enough corn to fill a silo.  Gee whiz!

HAYWIRE

Steven Soderbergh delivers unconventional movies even with conventional material.  Here is a punch-kick-punch movie about 'one last job' and 'who sold us out damn it!' but of course, since it's Soderbergh, there are unusual choices: fractured chronology, smooth jazz score and a non-actor as the lead.  Mixed Martial Arts star Gina Carano debuts admirably if not woodenly as an action star who looks much more credible beating people's asses than the average underfed Hollywood starlet.  Despite being called Haywire, the movie is unfortunately inert and somehow feels like less than the sum of its interesting but not altogether arresting parts.

LOOKING BACK AT 2011 / BEST AND WORST / THE OSCARS

First I have a quick recap of everything I saw in theaters this year not counting any ticket stubs I might have lost.  Then you can read my top 3 and bottom 1 films of the year plus my favorite films of the last few years.  And finally my reactions to the this years Academy Award animations.  Get ready for a Mega-Post.

THE ARTIST

If you like movies because they are a pleasant distraction then I'm not sure you'll like this movie.  If you loves movies because you love movies then you will love this movie.  That sounds familiar.  But it's true!  Make no mistake, this is a silent movie made in black and white by French people, so it's not exactly palatable to the average theater goer.  Well, fuck that guy.  He gets enough movies all year long.  This one is special.  Even with it's runaway success we're unlikely to see a renaissance of silent cinema so you better enjoy this one while you can, which will be damn easy because this film is a wonderfully charming melodramatic tribute to, well, artists I would say.

TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY

Gary Oldman is George Smiley, the ultimate spy, a man who is seemingly devoid of emotion.  There are a few glimmers of personality to be sure.  But the man is a cipher, never betraying his thoughts or feelings to anyone around him.  His colleagues all fall prey to their emotions.  Every other character lets their heart make decisions where their brain should, especially considering they work in Cold War era espionage.  The other characters fall in love when they shouldn't, and sleep with their co-workers, coworkers spouses, enemies, and enemies' spouses.  They hold on to petty personal grudges and grievances, and let them cloud their judgement and their conduct.  And as for the mole...  his motivations are ambiguous but certainly not rational.  These characters make the critical mistake that Martin Sheen advised against in The Departed: "We practice deception, but not self-deception."

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

After the credits starting rolling on this 2 hour 28 minute monstrosity, the gentleman behind me loudly proclaimed to his companion "man, fuck that shit."  Brevity is the soul of wit, after all, so I'm tempted to let that remark suffice, but I'm sure there is more I can say.  A movie can be boring but not stupid, and a movie can be stupid without being boring, but heaven help us when a movie is both.

THE DESCENDANTS

This film is well observed, smart, subdued, underplayed, but not really very entertaining or insightful.  Did I really say that a film was well observed but not insightful?  Man I sound like an asshole.  Anyway.  George Clooney is the paterfamilias of a Hawaiian family rocked by tragedy and now he has to spend time with his kids and, you know, do stuff.  He doesn't really like it, but then he kinda does.  I liked this film just as much as director Alexander Payne's other films (Election, About Schmidt, Sideways) in that I found them more or less clever and amusing but never really desired to see them again.