This feels like more of a Western than the other failed hybrids of the genre. The Director Jimmy Hayward uses classic static wide shots for the locations, holding a little too long and a little too still to make the landscape seem a little uncomfortable. The frenetic directing style of writers Neveldine/Taylor, who were originally slated to direct, would have felt out of place; this movie is already at capacity for out of place elements. For example: the opening shootout plays mostly like a typical Western, except for the humongous magical guns. But then when Hex rides out of town, he shoots a lantern that within a few seconds has the entire town consumed by fireballs. Maybe they cut the scene where they explained this particular town was the dynamite capital of the Southwest, or maybe this is the kind of movie where towns explode when you shoot a lantern. Who knows?
Josh Brolin stars at the titular, deformed former-confederate bounty hunter, and he's probably the only actor in this who couldn't bribe the editor into excising more of his scenes. Will Arnett, Aidan Quinn, Lance Reddick, Tom Wopat, Wes Bentley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Michael Shannon all have a scant few minutes of screen time, but the abandoned subplots and condensed narrative don't really cause any more plot-holes than a typical summer explosion fest; sure, they try to pass off some footage from an extra scene as the 'spirit world' by messing with the colors of the sky, but they obviously did so because the scene was too cool to not be included in the movie even if they didn't use the entire lead-up and explanation for it.
Right from his first line reading, John Malkovich would like to make it clear to you the viewer that this is not a film where John Malkovich will be giving a shit; you would think that an insane former Civil War General who wants to topple the US Government would be a good excuse for an actor to just cut loose and go nuts, maybe even adopt a wacky if not consistent accent, which we know Malkovich is found of, but in this film the audience's expectations are Malkoviched, and instead he underacts so powerfully that most of the time its amazing he's even speaking outloud.
Megan Fox is on hand to do, I dunno, stuff. But more importantly, here name is Lilah. They don't overuse the joke, or even seem to know its a joke, but just imagine how somebody with a shitted out mouth like Jonah Hex pronounces a name like Lilah. Hint: poorly. Trying fish-hooking your cheek whilst gritting your teeth and then, in your most gravelly tough guy voice, say that name. When she opens her door and sees him standing there and he says "Ra-rah" it was the only moment that I rewound to watch again. She has a tiny Derringer pistol which is strange because nobody else seems to have remotely realistic guns; for comparison Hex uses a crossbow that shoots sticks of dynamite and twin Gatling guns mounted on his horse.
Michael Fassbender really cuts loose and goes nuts as lead henchman Burke, a psychopathic Irishman with grotesque tattoos and a sunny disposition. Even in a hackneyed exposition scene where he helps Malkovich explain the origins of an Eli Whitney designed nation-killer super cannon, Fassbender exudes a joyfully maniacal presence that captured your otherwise divided attention. They should have let him play all the roles. Everybody else seems slightly embarrassed, which is a self-fulfilling prophecy, because it shows up onscreen and leads to a crappier movie, which the actors can then feel embarrassed about.
Most of the things in the movie that don't make any sense are the best parts. Hex visits some sort of gladiatorial arena, with pit fighting tournaments between gigantic barbarians and mutant rattlesnake men. The President of the United States, Ulysses S. Grant, hands Hex a wad of money at one point in the film. Hex kills many people for no good reason, like for asking why his face is all messed up. Lots of narration is used to cover over big patches of the movie that vanished; Hex tells us bluntly that he chased Malkovich for years but then he died in a hotel fire. Uhh... What? Speaking of confusion, Hex has to explain a whole bunch of rules to a dead guy when he revives him, but its almost totally unnecessary because we can see whats happening right in front of us: he touches them, they talk about shit, he lets go, they die again.
In the end, its half as long as a Transformers movie and makes twice as much sense, so its alright in my book.
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