HORRIBLE BOSSES

I always admire the guts it takes for a movie to have a title that lends itself so easily to mockery.  Every critic who didn't like the film and needs a snappy headline practically has all his work done for him.  Luckily this film passes that test, and is not horrible.  Three friends with severely dysfunctional workplaces decide to off their superiors, but in a movie-inspired twist (Strangers On A Train and Throw Momma From The Train are both mentioned; this movie unfortunately features no trains) that they worked out with their murder-consultant, they will be swapping targets with one another to avoid being obvious suspects.  Sex, drugs, murder and nobody learns any lessons?  Should be great.

But it's not.  It hovers around good, but so much of it feels like a missed opportunity or wasted potential.  Take the leads.  If you've seen It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia then you know what to expect from Charlie Day, but its a shame that the R-rated movie version of Charlie feels tamer and lamer than the TV version.  He still gets worked up and reaches a deadly high pitch in his screams, he still mumbles and talks over and under people, and he still fucks up the gangs plans with his hilarious stupidity (he looks for an assassin under the Craigslists Men-seeking-Men section and produces an Ioan Gruffud cameo in the process.)

But this Charlie isn't an illiterate, glue-huffing, cat-obsessed, tooth-losing malcontent who lives in various holes and hollows in between shit-scrubbing and waitress-stalking.  This Charlie has friends who marginally respect him, a clean job that pays well, and a wonderful fiancee; she only has one scene and she's unconscious so it's difficult to get a read on Charlie's home life.  He still acts like the Charlie we all know and love though, which seems weird since he's ostensibly a normal guy except for his boss sexually harassing him.  He can't quit because she is the only one who would hire him because of his past legal trouble.

His backstory is that he got a sex offender conviction for peeing in a playground at night even though there weren't any kids present.  You don't need to be anywhere specific for that to happen.  I double-checked with a Google news search for 'public urination arrest sex offender' and discovered there are at least 13 states (including California) where peeing in public can get your name on that list for life; my Google search history must look pretty weird now but it was worth it to warn people to be careful where they piss.  It's unusual that the movie would be mostly accurate about that potential legal problem, but then later in the movie they have a character get out of trouble with the police and explain 'its not against the law to put people's toothbrushes up your butt.'  I know this is a comedy, but really?  It's not?  I think it is.  It would have been better to never bring that point up instead of glossing over it with such a retarded explanation.

Charlie is the spaz, alongside Jason Sudeikis as the horn-dog and Jason Bateman as the wet-blanket.  Sudeikis has the unenviable task of being given one of the absolute oldest jokes in the book and having to play it straight; no twists or subversions of our expectations.  He just has to ask a fat woman when she's due and have her say she's not pregnant.  Holy shit that joke's older than Bob Newhart.  Aren't you required by law to add something to it?  I remember when they did it on Seinfeld they at least had Kramer ask the woman if she was sure.  Jason Bateman's strongest moment goes by too quickly, when he indulges himself in a fantasy sequence that mostly attracts attention to why the other characters didn't get to fantasize about murdering their bosses before deciding to follow through.

It's a nice change of pace that the characters aren't bogged down by back stories and families or even apartments; I think we only see where one of them lives briefly and they're just playing Wii Tennis, no big deal.  I guess that's what happens where there are three leads, three villains, a murder consultant played by an Oscar winner, and a bevy of supporting characters played by past and present legends of screen and stage.  Since our leads are broadly sketched, they never really seem angry enough to kill, and they fall out of love with the idea of murder just as capriciously as they fall in love with it.

I heard Doug Benson on his podcast ask Bill Burr, because of his appearance as a cop in Date Night, why comedians are sometimes cast in tiny, mostly un-comedic roles, usually as cops, in large comedies.  He didn't really seem to have a good idea why they do it either; this movie has Ron White and Wendell Pierce as two cops whose only real joke is the big finish in every trailer for the movie.  You can catch co-writer and Freaks and Geeks alum John Francis Daley in at least one scene and Julie Bowen from Modern Family as Spacey's trophy wife.

Donald Sutherland shows up very briefly but I don't think he makes any jokes, which is a shame because his single scene appearances in movies like Kentucky Fried Movie and Beerfest are classics.  Bob Newhart appears at the end for a single joke; no really, he does.  It's as if to say, 'hey old people, if you accidentally wandered into this theater and survived the movie, here's a reassuring glimpse of the world you can still recall.'  And Academy Award winner Jamie Foxx shows up as the aforementioned murder consultant; Jamie Foxx needs to be funny more.  Doesn't anybody remember In Living Color?  Foxx also really knows how to make the most of a small role; for shit's sake, he managed to steal the show with his awe-inspiring turn as Bundini Brown in Ali, and that was a Muhammad Fucking Ali biopic starring Will Fucking Smith!  It takes a dangerous amount of talent to pull shit like that off.

But of course, the bosses are designed to steal every scene they're in and pretty much succeed.  Jennifer Aniston curses like a sailor and pursues Charlie with the kind of determination that is hilarious when it is woman-on-man or skunk-on-cat.  I like that she doesn't get any redemption, explanation, or any other defining trait besides wanting to fuck Charlie really, really bad.  Kevin Spacey, another Oscar Winner, played a better evil boss years ago in Swimming With Sharks back when he was consistently in good movies instead of just periodically/accidentally, but he still really sells himself as the meanest son of a bitch that ever lived here.  It might sound over the top that Spacey mocks Bateman's nickname for his grandma only moments after learning of her death, but it is entirely believable here, and more importantly, it's funny.

Sadly, the movie is thrown completely out of whack by how great Colin Farrell is.  I laughed more at a context-less montage of his character from a deleted scene that played over the credits than I did at the rest of the movie.  It's just him barking a series of nonsensical orders at a creeped out pharmacist, like 'Can you check me for the diabetes?' and 'Do you have any MDMA?' but it made me wish even harder that this character had his own spin off movie.  It's the greatest crime of this young century that more than half of his scenes are in the trailer to the film.  It definitely feels like loads and loads of scenes from this movie wound up on the cutting room floor, and I'm almost certain that the home release will be far superior to the theatrical release solely on the basis of having more Colin Farrell.

Even the production design around him is fantastic!  His apartment gets much attention and riffing from our heroes about how gaudy and tasteless it is, but they still almost manage to undersell it.  It really is it sight to behold.  Mirrors, dragons, faux-animal skin lining almost everything, and a foosball table are just a few of the things they see, and that's only in the first room.  His bizarre wardrobe, disgusting thinning hair, pot belly, martial arts obsession, and rampant cocaine addiction almost seem unnecessary.  I mean, this is a guy who has a prostitute-orgy at work in his office with just a few flimsy blinds covering the windows.  Even when his Irish accent slipped out on words like 'third' I was completely transfixed by his character.  The DVD release of Anchorman had so much extra footage that they crafted an entire other movie out of it.  I really hope that Colin Farrell gets the same treatment here.